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[withintenfeet]

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[mukha]

[Continued from here.]

Well, it is a good thing I already don't acknowledge and don't respect your 'authority,' or I might start to have some doubts about the legitimacy of this vessel.

By the way, if you show anyone this conversation, or discuss it, I will consider it a violation of trust and yet another betrayal by so-called 'authority' to add to the long list I've already experienced, starting with my father abandoning me and continuing all the way up to Zavier killing me during the breach. 😊

Anyway, I actually kind of like it when one of you says that all of this can be justified because we're 'dead' (maybe). It's very revealing, though I suppose I can't judge. I'm ashamed to admit that I myself used to look down on dead people too until I (again, maybe) became one of them. Alas, it happens to the best of us!

But aren't even most of the other inmates at least asked before they're brought here?

[withintenfeet]

The only time I'd ever share something you said to me in private would be if you were threatening people.

I'm dead, too, and I'm not above you in any sense. Between the two of us, only one is actually damned.

Apparently asking at all is pretty new, in the scheme of things. Most inmates still aren't given a choice.

[mukha]

Well, if you meant that it's normal for demons or 'other entities that aren't actually demons' to kidnap souls after their deaths, that'd be one thing. That'd be a frank admission of might makes right. But I suspect you meant it in a much more condescending way, which is why I got irritated.

Like I said, I can accept that nothing is fair, but that doesn't mean I'm going to listen to homilies from a bunch of hypocrites.

[withintenfeet]

I meant that none of us, as far as I know, get to make decisions about our future after we die - whether that's a certain afterlife, or reincarnation, or oblivion, it's out of our hands.

The Admiral interrupts that process. The Barge is - or it should be - an opportunity. With more knowledge, more tools, more time - there's so much people can do.

Zavier was wrong, for the record. He should have been helping you tear that place apart.

[mukha]

That's what I meant. I'm not interested in this wonderful opportunity to do more, thank you, and it seems a bit of a contradiction to tell me that the Admiral is interrupting me not having a choice by not giving me a choice.

But it's as out of my hands as all those other things you mentioned, though I suppose it does at least make me value the choices I can make while I'm here.

[Like digging his heels in even deeper than he otherwise would over issues like the Stavrogin... thing.]

Why is Zavier referred to in third person but Pyotr the Interventionist in second person?

[withintenfeet]

I was trying to follow your lead, but I fucked it up.

That happens a lot in our conversations.

[ It's a joke but also it's true. ]

I was wrong, in that other life, or whatever they are.

[mukha]

Oh, don't worry. Pyotr the Interventionist is only 'me' when I want you to feel bad

I wonder if we're just someone else's 'breach self' and one day 'the real Zerxus' will wake up and say 'Good heavens, I was wrong about that boat, but I'm definitely right about this other strikingly similar system I'm participating in!'

like those dreams within dreams within dreams

[withintenfeet]

If it's any consolation, I've been feeling bad for the last twenty years.

When it comes to systems I'm a part of, it felt much closer to Hell than the Barge. Once they've decided you've strayed too far, there's no coming back from it.

I did hate that, but for some reason I thought we could keep the parts I liked and reject the rest.

[mukha]

It is no consolation whatsoever

You would feel differently if you were in my position, you hypocrite

but perhaps there is something you can do to make it up to me, like you offered

[withintenfeet]

I wouldn't. But I would still be insufferable.

What is it?

[mukha]

I don't believe you. Perhaps you might still be foolish enough to think this place was 'helping' others. But for you, you would think there may as well be no way out since you would not be willing to 'graduate.'

Listen, I am not planning to hurt or kill anyone here so long as they do not attack me first. That said, I would like to know there is at least one warden - one who is not the one assigned to me - whom I can count on to speak up on my behalf. Do you understand?

[withintenfeet]

I would believe there was a way out, I just wouldn't take it. Unless I got the right warden, I suppose.

[ RIP to that theoretical person's blood pressure. ]

I understand that, yes. And I have no problem being that person.

[mukha]

That is what I mean. You would, it goes without saying, have reasons that are far superior to those of anyone else who doesn't wish to 'graduate.' However, I didn't expect you to be open to a warden being able to deter you when the pleas of your own son couldn't. What faith you have in this place's ability to 'persuade.'

But on to more important matters... In that case, I will expect you to do what you can to defend me from unjust accusations, verdicts passed without proper proofs, and well-meaning meddlers. You are fortunate that you have the excuse that 'what you can do' amounts to 'not much,' but I will expect at least some valiant effort.

Do you think you can manage? I am not asking you to lie, though you have probably noticed that I myself lie to everyone since being honest about my opinions in regard to this place brought me nothing but trouble. I was attacked and stabbed multiple times over it. That is something for you to keep in mind.

[withintenfeet]

You condescend almost as well as rich old wizards.

Yes, I can manage that.

Do you want to tell me who stabbed you, and if they're likely to try that again?

[mukha]

No. I already dealt with it. They are not likely to try again.